What Has God Done for Me?

Many people have questioned my walk with God, especially as my posts have become more and more controversial in the past several years. I know I have lost many supporters as I have developed in my relationship with God. Many people wonder quietly, or blatantly out loud whether I am even a Christian anymore, some wonder if I am even religious. Most people have a real hard time grasping how I can hold the views I have and yet still have a vibrant walk with God. My faith doesn't look like the majority of Christians, especially when compared to how I used to be in my early and late teens. My faith then and my faith now are so diametrically opposite that many people assume I have lost my way and turned my back on Christ. I just wanted to answer some of these questions and post my personal testimony of what God has done to change my life.

I was a very zealous person growing up. Constantly worried about where I stood with God. I knew that God accepted me where I was at, but having the knowledge and actively living that knowledge are two different things. I was childish in my thinking, I thought that if I did the wrong thing I separated myself from the blessing of God. When something bad happened I assumed that I had inadvertently pulled away from God, it must have been that movie I watched, or that game I played, or maybe that pride I felt. My faith was a constant struggle of ups and downs, reaching into valleys and climbing on top of mountains. I was told that was normal, every Christian felt those periods of doubt where God appeared to be absent, but if we just had faith and refused to give in to the questions we were faced with, God would bring us to the mountain top experience again. 

Then something happened that changed the way I thought about my faith forever. My nephew drowned in my family pool while I was just 100 feet away, oblivious to the fact he had fallen in. I was the one who found him and pulled him out of the water. I was too late. The memory of that day haunts me. I cannot begin to describe the horror and sinking loss I felt. I found myself laying in the grass starring up at the sky after a long and brutal argument with God. I had given God an ultimatum, "Either you bring Lucas back to life, or I will never serve you again." Laying in that field looking up at the overcast sky I heard a voice in my mind, "Timothy, I loved Lucas too. Do you think I did this? Are you mad at me for a mistake you made?" I suddenly felt like Job, and I realized something I had never noticed about that story before, Job was wrong. Job had assumed that God was responsible for all the afflictions laid upon him. In his steadfast defense of God he had actually blamed God for the circumstances of his life. At this point my mind began to repeat a verse I had memorized and read often, "Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit." (Psalms 51:6-12) 

Somehow I knew my faith would never be the same after that day. And it wasn't. I spent the next summer going door to door selling Christian literature. The pervasive theology in the canvassing community was that God would bless you if you lived a holy life, if you didn't eat meat or cheese, didn't listen to rock music, didn't watch movies, didn't eat at restaurants that cooked with lard. The list goes on. I began to see that had been me all along. I had thought God was with those who did right, but as I had learned that summer there was something else going on, something that was beyond simply doing what is right and receiving what is good. 

I began to study the book of John extensively and I began to realize that apart from God we can do nothing. From the stories of the gospel I became convinced that God is not simply with those who do good, but is in fact with everyone regardless of circumstances. This led me to the belief that God cares for everyone equally, he does not play favorites. The blessings he gives to the righteous he also gives to the wicked. To everyone God gives the gift of life, free will, and the ability to find happiness. Yet I still greatly struggled with how to reconcile suffering and God. Why would God choose to spare some people's lives and not others? Why did God allow my nephew to die but spared the life of other random people, some of them even wicked people. The answer that "God has a plan that we may not understand." no longer worked for me. 

Around this time I went to college and began to study the God of science. I was introduced to more complex physics and I realized that there was more to reality than meets the eye. Our universe is not simply a three dimensional plane with a three dimensional God ruling over the affairs of mankind. Science explained chance, quantum physics and relativity. Finally I had an understanding of why things happen. I could see the relationships things had with each other. 

I began to study philosophy, I read dozens of books on science, philosophy and religion and I began to tare down the walls of my faith and build up on a new foundation using the tools of reason, science, and philosophy. My answer for everything was no longer based on the fact that God said so, but rather what we could know through observation and reason, which I believed to be divinely given tools to be used to discover truth. 

God became so much bigger to me. I no longer saw him as a "him" at all, but rather as a force larger than the universe itself. My entire life began to change toward the end of my college experience. The depression I had struggled with throughout my religious life began to melt away. I no longer felt condemned by my faith. My mind had been opened to a universe vastly larger than the one I had been in previously. I began to see morality differently, not as God ordained statuettes that must be followed, but as a universal principle of love, not just love for people, but a love for existence itself. 

I began to truly rejoice in life. Just stepping outside was exciting as I realized what it really meant to live, move, and have my being. My attitude toward nature and preservation changed. I began to love the planet I lived on, I no longer scoffed at "tree huggers" and conversationalists. My reason for being vegetarian changed from the fact that I wanted to honor God, to the fact that I desired to have as much respect for life as possible.

Something else happened, I developed an abiding relationship with God, one in which I actually felt a part of God. I no longer fear for my salvation. I do not feel guilty for my past wrongs and do not dwell on my current ones. I began to value the Bible differently. I recognized that its historical details, or its claims on truth did not matter, the whole purpose of scripture is a revelation of the character of the one who sustains the universe itself. It is a record book of man's development and relationship with God. 

I began to see scripture for what it was, a progression of knowledge to an intended purpose, which is to know more of God. I was no longer content to stop where scripture ended, I desired to learn more and carry truth beyond where the Bible left off. Everything I study now is deepening my understanding of God, even my study of dentistry. I jump at the opportunity to learn more, that is why I am taking a masters in bioethics. God is everywhere for me, in science, in nature, in philosophy. Everywhere can be found revelations of God.

I realized that Jesus did not die to satisfy the wrath of God, but in fact died to reveal the character of God. I took Jesus literally when He said in John that He and His father were one in the same and that His father loved Him because He was willing to lay down His life in order to reveal to humanity something of the character of God. Jesus was not dodging in front of the fiery wrath of His father, but was in fact there as a revelation of God. He was there to reveal the true love and justice of God, which is that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. 

This changed my life forever. It changed how I related to people. No longer was I interested in conforming people to my religion, I was interested in changing people's lives. No longer was I antagonistic toward gay people, I began to love all people as living human beings. No longer did I condemn people for the type of music they enjoyed in church, I recognized people's desires to use their talents and their love of music to praise God. I no longer looked at atheists as lost and angry individuals, but as people searching for the truth. I no longer looked at people who believe in evolution as deceived by the devil, but merely people seeking to explain the world as best they could with the tools at hand. 

What grew out of my new religion was tolerance, no, more than tolerance, acceptance and love for other people. I am not perfect by any means, I don't want to be seen as making that claim. What I can say though is that God has changed my life. I can truly and honestly say that I cannot imagine a better God than the one I serve now. I cannot image a more inclusive, more loving, and more merciful God than I know now. What is your God like? Can you honestly sit back at the end of the day and say that if you were to imagine a more merciful God, He would be no different than what you believe in now? If you can imagine something better, then you are worshiping something else besides God. 

So in answer to those who think I've lost my faith, you are wrong, I've found my faith. In answer to those who think I'm none religious, you are wrong, I've discovered my religion, and it's broader, more inclusive, more scientific, more explainable, more exciting, and more universal than I could ever have imagined before. I discovered a God who is so intimately connected to creation that He sustains every aspect of it, and to study the universe is synonymous with studying God. I now know exactly what I believe and why I believe it. I do not have to use cop out answers such as "faith" to explain my understanding of God. Everything has an answer, just as God designed it. There is nothing God has hidden, all things he has made known and given us the tools to find and I praise "Him" for it. 

What has your religion done for you? Are you a better person for believing in God? Does it drive you to love those who are different than yourself? How does it make you feel about gays? What does it make you feel toward teachers of evolution? How do you perceive progressive church services? How do you view the equality of men and women? What do you think about people who are not of your religion? Do you see others as simply souls who need to be baptized into your church in order to be saved? The answers to these questions are extremely important because it reveals what is at the heart of your faith. Is your faith defined by who you can and cannot accept as a brother or a sister in the church? Is your faith defined by what you can and cannot listen to or what science you can and cannot believe in? I think it's high time that we allowed God to become a part of our religion. 

I Am Resistance: Carson’s Joseph

3rd dynasty Egypt, his name was Imhotep, one of histories first truly great engineers. He is attributed for not only building the very first pyramid, but also inventing the column, which was the backbone of architecture until the invention of steel construction in the Industrial Age. His name means "One who comes in peace." He was second to the Pharaoh Djoser. Among the list of his titles were, Chancellor of the King of Egypt, Doctor, First in line after the King of Upper Egypt, Administrator of the Great Palace, Hereditary nobleman, High Priest of Heliopolis, Builder, Chief Carpenter, Chief Sculptor, and Maker of Vases in Chief.

To say he was an impressive and gifted individual would be a huge understatement. The pharaoh at the time put a huge amount of trust in this man, and it is likely that without him Pharaoh would never have been able to hold as much power and control as he did. Imhotep was also an interpreter of dreams. He had a dream from Ra that the world was about to experience a famine lasting 7 years, so Imhotep built granaries and stored up massive amounts of food, thus he saved Egypt from a huge catastrophe.

Imhotep is considered one of the first physicians and he diagnosed and treated dozens of diseases. He was a poet, and considered one of the greatest scholars and philosophers of the time. What is even more remarkable about this Egyptian is that he was not of noble birth; he was a commoner who built and reasoned his way to the top of an oppressive society. He represented the hopes and desires of all the lowly and poor. It is no wonder that he was deified and worshiped as a god upon his death.

So that's all very interesting history, but what does it have to do with the Bible. With Dr. Ben Carson's recently spotlighted belief that the pyramids were used to store grain, I think the reason I bring Imhotep up is obvious. Imhotep and the Joseph of biblical fame have striking similarities. The question has often been raised, are Imhotep and Joseph the same person. Joseph was also chancellor to pharaoh, second in command, he built buildings, married the daughter of the high priest of Ra, ministered under Potiphar, the chief physician, and interpreted dreams and saved Egypt from a 7 year famine. Imhotep had 11 brothers, Joseph had 11 brothers, the similarities could go on.

That being said, what is most striking is not their similarities, but their differences. Primary among them is that Imhotep was the high priest of Ra. The Bible describes Joseph as unwavering in his steadfast trust in Jehovah, so much so in fact that Joseph is one of only a handful of people in the Bible that are never mentioned as having any faults or making any mistakes. The differences could go on, Joseph is never attributed to building any sort of pyramid, and no mention of Imhotep's Canaanite family is ever made. I think Christians have been asking the entirely wrong question when it comes to Imhotep. We should not be asking if Joseph and Imhotep are the same person, we should be asking, "why are they so similar?"

The distinction between the two questions might seem negligible, but they are indeed different. Conservative Christians, such as Dr. Carson automatically assume that the Bible is 100% accurate in every detail, thus they wrongfully assume that history must be wrong in order to fit their bible into the spot that history resides. The problem is, as one post one twitter read, "The Egyptians could write." Much of Egyptian history is quite accurate. The Bible was written at least hundreds of years after Joseph's story actually occurred,  Imhotep's story was written at the same time it was being lived. One of Imhotep's inventions is the use of papyrus to record contracts and history, so to assume that the Bible got it right and history got it wrong is a huge stretch.

As I have stated multiple times in the past, the Bible is not written like History, it is written as story. It is a compilation of gathered stories that were then pieced together by editors and redactors over time. So if Imhotep and Joseph are not exactly the same person why are their stories so similar? Let me ask you a question first, if you are writing down the lost history of an enslaved people what will you write about? The commoner looked to Imhotep for hope and the chance of obtaining what was out of reach for all but the pharaoh himself. Imhotep represented freedom, resistance, and victory. When looking at the past history of Egypt is it any wonder that the writer would lay claim to the story of such a man as Imhotep? Moses knew the history of Egypt; he was educated by Egyptian scholars and he chose to mold the story of Imhotep into the history of Israel.

Joseph represents freedom to the people of Israel. Joseph chose to rise from every situation he found himself. Sold into slavery he became the very best slave, put into prison he became the best prisoner, given the opportunity to interpret dreams, he came up with the wisest plan, put into pharaoh's court, he became as an equal to Pharaoh himself. Can you imagine the hope that sprang into the hearts of a beaten people when they heard the recounting of such a story from their past Egyptian history?

I don't really care whether or not Joseph was a real character or an amalgamation of a couple different characters from Egyptian and Canaanite history, what I care about is why the story is there. The story of Joseph is not placed in scripture as a historical landmark, it is placed there to tell us something distinct about God. God is on the side of the resistance. That is the entire point of the story. God is with those who resist the pyramid scheme of Egypt. God is with those who stand up for what is right and work to be their best right where they are at, but who are not content to stay there and use every opportunity given them to establish a kingdom of love and Justice for all. With this broad view in mind, whether or not Joseph was a real historical figure or not makes no difference whatsoever to its historical and spiritual significance.