You Try Too Hard

A relationship with God is not hard. I see it time and time again, someone mentions how hard it is to surrender, or overcome, or humble themselves, or what have you. My response to this exclamation of despair is this, “you're doing it wrong!” If your relationship with God is impossible for you to obtain and makes you depressed just to think about it, then in truth, you have no relationship with God at all. At least the God I worship is not the same God you do. 

You see, my God is not interested in your sacred rituals, your acts of devotion, your morning prayers, your scheduled study of his word, or even your acts of piety, dedication to the church, or feeding the homeless. All of these things are not bad things in and of themselves; the problem arises when you start to see them as a requirement for the Christian life. Christianity has made all of these things into an idol, we worship the actions rather than the God behind them. 

I often hear people say, I need to surrender my will to God; I need to surrender my desires to him, or my love, etc. etc. The list of what we "need" to surrender to God can go on and on. This is also wrong. God originally endowed humanity with a mind. We have an amazing gift, the ability to choose, to desire, to want, to love, to cherish, and to make plans, to develop our future. God has given us these things so that we can experience all of creation. We were created to give meaning to the universe God has created. We are here to explore this tiny little speck of dust that is our world and now today, our solar system. We are the universe contemplating itself. We give it purpose and meaning. God does not desire to take that away from you.

Christianity has so distorted the character of God that they have made into a good thing, that which is evil, the destruction of human choice and will power. They see it as an act of humility to surrender your wants and desires to God. God gave them to you, why refuse his gift given in love? It is an understanding of Him that God desires of you. God desires to be known, to be understood on your level, to have a relationship with you. That can only be achieved if you discover him in your own. You must discover who God is to you, to see that he is Love itself, that understanding him is absolute joy, love, life, freedom, and knowledge. Only when we see God for who He is will our will be his will, our thoughts his thoughts and our desires those which He Himself would have. By beholding we become changed and until we behold how awesome and infinite our God is, we will not be able to “surrender" anything. You see, until "surrender" no longer feels like surrender, you have not done anything worthwhile. Until surrender feels like your normal thought, like your natural decision, you do not understand God correctly. 

I am not there yet, but I strive for that. I do not worry about that which I do not do; I worry about where I am at in my personal understanding of who God is. I do not make lists of do’s and don’ts, I look to nature, to science, to scripture, and I study the awesome character of God, because only then will I see an actual change in my life. My life is full of joy, every moment is new and incredible and happy. I do not fear for my salvation because I am starting on a road that leads to eternity, the searching of the awesome infinity that is God. Depression, despair, anxiety and fear, all of those things are no more. That does not mean I will never be sad, or never experience anger or depression, but they are nothing like they were in my life before. I wake up every morning praising God for the miracle that is life. My life is full if joy because I have caught a glimpse of God. By beholding I am becoming changed. Try it, start focusing on your understanding of God and stop trying so hard to please him, instead start focusing on who he is and then allow that revelation to change you.